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I was invited out for lunch this past Shabbat. I am sad to report that this was my yearly invite. This person is close with my family and thus I am close to him only by association. So I really don’t expect anything from him. In fact, I think it’s amazing that this person invites me at all. We discussed this and he opened up that a bit about himself. He said he had lost a child many years ago and found how quickly a person in need falls off the radar. When there is a birth or shiva, the community steps up to the plate and delivers. But if there is any extended crisis or need, fuhgetaboutit. He related stories of community members who experienced great suffering, amazingly more than he, and the response of the community progressively waned and even became hostile. For instance, he organized meals for a woman whose child became handicapped and needed 24/7 attention. He received responses like, “Can’t she just order out already?” One person said she would make a meal and didn’t even show up.As a divorced man, I have experienced similar responses. I have many children who reside with me and I work 6 days a week. At first, girls came by for chesed hours, to lighten my load. Slowly, over time, I received less and less Shabbat/holiday invites. Perhaps my large family scares them, but it hadn’t before the divorce. Perhaps, I need to take the initiative and invite others first, although this is a major undertaking if you really knew my family dynamics. I imagine that I have fallen off the radar. It’s very hard to get everyone out for shul and I have drifted apart from my pre-divorce friends. But there are people who live on my block, who pass my house regularly, who I interacted with nicely before the divorce and now barely give a nod of acknowledgement let alone an offer for a meal for my kids. I’m not contagious (I think) and I don’t bite (hard).
I know everyone is focused on his or her own Daled Amot (personal space); I have been guilty of the same. But somewhere out there are people in need of a little support or a sense of belonging. I intend on taking this to heart and will take the first step with others. I hope others will in turn reach out and not forsake those in need.
Kohl dichvin yaysay veyaychol… “Whoever is hungry-let him come and eat! Whoever is needy- let him come and celebrate Pesach”