ADS 336x280 Here...
Friends we make during our year abroad, post high school, seem to be the ones we can never get rid of, er, I mean, are the ones we remain so close with that even after long hiatuses we just pick up where we left off. I was lucky enough to go to a small yeshiva in Israel with a lot of personal attention and a fine group of guys. If I had to do it all over again, the one thing I would change is I would make the yeshiva co-ed.
This brings me to my friend Jonathan. He was so homesick, that regularly after night seder a group of us would sit with him, cheer him up, and ultimately convince him to stay in Israel just a little longer. He was very shy and had never spoken to a woman. We discussed women, dating, dancing, hanging out among other things but we thought he would always be the same old Johnny. After my marriage, I lost touch with him for some time.
Lo and behold, a few years later he became Mr. Upper West Side. Always having large groups of Shabbat guests including women!! I nearly fainted. He was now confident and TALKATIVE. He knew how to chat up the ladies. What a metamorphosis! But life is cruel and he had some crippling injuries that made him unable to work and he's always in pain although he hides it well. So his dating record took a nosedive. Years go by, more surgeries, poor results. But we seem to converse more often now (I guess because I'm single again and so we are in a similar stage).
A few months ago, he called with a question. His best friend Robert is pursuing this woman even though she keeps him at arms length. Jonathan and other friends get the sense that she is interested in Jonathan instead of Robert. So, should he ask her out or in the very least attempt to find out if she has feelings towards him? The serious issue being does he stab his best friend in the back while he looks out for his own best interests? Remember, his prospects are extremely limited; perhaps he should jump on the opportunity regardless of his friend’s stated intentions and feelings. I advised him to, at least through the grapevine, find out if she likes him or Robert or neither. Jonathan remained steadfast about never compromising his friend's feelings or steal his thunder. In fact, he tried to help Robert’s case by frequently mentioning his name to her with a positive spin. He put his little guy in neutral and remained loyal to his best friend. He was entirely selfless.
Last night he told me that in the end, he found out that she was interested in neither of them but liked them as friends. This episode had lasted over many months, and yet he restrained himself, so I commended him for showing me how a true friend and gentleman acts. I thanked him for giving me a life lesson just as he in turn thanked me for those I had given him all those years ago.
Now look were it got us...
