ADS 336x280 Here...
I read my first Dean Koontz book after a few disparate sources espoused his works. Well worth it and I look forward to more. What I like to do when reading fiction is glean words of wisdom or insights into human nature presented parenthetically. Tidbits of reality mixed with an engaging, albeit fictional, story makes for a more poignant message. (I have been saying this about the Bible but that is not the direction I'll be taking this). I first noticed my real appreciation for this method of reading when I began reading Michael Crichton even though sometimes the line between fact and fiction sometimes became blurred. In Crichton's book Prey (not my favorite), in the midst of all the action, there was a 2 page digression that held a fascinating insight into self-reflection. I guess I'm reminded of this because it follows somewhat along the lines of my last post."There's one problem with all psychological knowledge-nobody can apply it to themselves. People can be incredibly astute about the shortcomings of their friends, spouses, children. But they have no insight into themselves at all...Psychological knowledge doesn't work if you look in a mirror." He then compares this to a computer procedure called recursion which causes the computer program to loop back on itself. Sometimes the computer gets lost in a infinite regress and is stuck there like "those fun-house mirrors that reflect mirrors, and mirrors, even smaller and smaller, stretching away to infinity...something similar must happen when people turn their psychological insight-apparatus on themselves. The brain hangs. The thought process goes and goes, but it doesn't get anywhere. It must be something like that, because we know that people can think about themselves indefinitely. Some people think of little else. Yet people never seem to change as a result of their intense introspection. They never understand themselves better. It's very rare to find genuine self-knowledge." Nice.
In Brother Odd by Dean Koontz, Odd Thomas, as he is named, reflects on the nature of dogs. "All that is wanted is affection, while all that is offered is everything, symbolized in the defenseless posture of the exposed tummy.
Dogs invite us not only to share in their joy but also to live in the moment,...where the enchantment of the past and future cannot distract us, where a freedom from practical desire and a cessation of our ceaseless action allows us to recognize the truth of our existence, the reality of our world and purpose-if we dare."
It's funny where the circuits of the mind can take us sometimes. When I read this, I was taken back to some previous relationships I had been in. There were a few women, including my now ex, that I felt that I would do anything for them and all I asked in return was to be loved in return. I do not mean to imply that I consider myself or men in general to be dogs but far be it from me to restrict the path which your mind wanders. To these women, I exposed myself (cancel that image, please), I opened my soul, bore out my deepest secrets and desires. I thought women wanted a man to be open about his feelings and be able to share them. Well, that crock of crap I was fed growing up (by TV, other women, magazines, etc) was entirely baseless. Women want their man to be strong and once they see their man as having weakness and vulnerability it becomes an exploitable commodity. They need to respect their man so he needs to maintain his image and aura. As a friend, such levels of openness are OK but not safe for a monogamous relationship. One of the main things I have noticed among the married couples I have had lunch with on many Shabbatot is the lack of respect the wives afford their husbands (yes, it does go both ways but you can write your side on your own blog). There is something about these men that disappointed their wives and that disappointment manifests as subtle and sometimes not so subtle public degradation. "I don't get no respect". Rodney Dangerfield wouldn't be funny if it didn't ring true.
I watched an episode of BBC's Coupling where Sally wouldn't introduce her new boyfriend to her gal pals until "he's finished." A woman has all sorts of visions how she can mold her man only to be disillusioned later because he remains who he is. And what right does anyone have to change another person? If you love someone, love them for who they really are, flaws and all. But don't pay lip-service to the concept and throw it all out the window once the ring is on.
Women feel the need to be empowered, they want to be independent and make their own choices (and they should have every right to pursue success) but in the end they want a guy who will stand up and make the decision like about where to go out. They don't want to hear, "So where would you like to go for dinner?" Rather it should be "I'm thinking about 2 places A & B, do you have a preference?" Thus they feel empowered, part of the decision making but the man has laid out the options available. I was out with a bunch of female friends one night and we went to a party. We suspected it would be lame but I took my cue from the women, 'maybe we should try it, it can't be bad.' So we went in and it was a disaster. Later they told me not to be a buffoon and that they had hoped I would just stand up and say this would be lame, let's not even waste our time. Am I a mind reader? Apparently, I need to be to hang out with them. But what they were really saying was that they want the guy to take charge, protect them, make sure things work out. I can't tell you how many women have told me they are so turned on by a guy who takes charge. So while I believe in equal rights, I do believe that many women are deluding themselves into thinking that they don't have the same instinctual demands on their mates that they have had for thousands of years. As much as they say they want a sensitive man, the reality is they want a strong, take charge man. Women can go to their ladies groups for all the emoting they need. The male's role is different and he should not cross to the other side. They want an alpha male but in the end they settle for you and never let you forget it.
If you want a good laugh on the matter see Chris Rock on relationships on you tube.
