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As with any divorce, I have my share of financial problems. Some are my own fault, some are the ex's and some are just the nature of the beast and what life throws my way. I try not to let it eat at me as much as it used to. There was a point when things were so bad that I literally felt like crying and had even sought the counsel of a bankruptcy lawyer. Thank God the tide had changed and is moving in the right direction albeit at a petty pace. One needs only to look at the fortune of others to gain perspective on their own fortune. We meet people with failing health, loss of loved ones, overall those less fortunate than ourselves. We meet people who do everything right and are handed sickening verdicts from deranged judges and scheming lawyers.I recall a very powerful drasha that has lasted with me since high school. The main thrust was that a person should ask themselves why they witnessed or heard about a given event (tragedy or otherwise). What is lacking in me that I witnessed an accident on the side of the road? Am I a reckless driver and need to slow down or perhaps that would be an inspiration to join Hatzolah? Another person's judicial nightmare makes me want to be easier on my ex and avoid court as much as possible.
A good friend of mine purchased a business a few years ago and recently I found out that it was not only failing but he max-ed out his credit cards and couldn't even make this months rent. Tears were welling up in his eyes as he talked to me especially when he described how his wife broke down in tears when she found out their savings were lost. All the money they could have used for their kids college fund or for family vacations gone up in smoke. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger he quoted, 'but this will kill me,' he concluded. He couldn't look me in the eye when he described how the loss of the business made him feel like a failure, a failure as a man, the breadwinner, the one responsible for the security of his family. If I had anything of my own to give, I would have. I briefly considered letting him use my credit card but I'm already 10's of thousands on credit. I just listened instead and watched him leave, a broken man.
I recently watched Astronaut Farmer about a man determined to go into space against all odds. He stood up to the government, ridicule, and risked his families farm and all their savings for his dream. I half wanted it to be a realistic ending and a depressing failure. Well life ain't like the movies folks. Sometimes 'You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run.'-(Kenny Rogers) But when a person has a vested interest, walking away with a moderate loss is painful to the point where he convinces himself that he can turn it even at the risk of devastating loss. But more than that, the emotional investment has been substantial, he hadn't had a good night sleep in months. He needs to be set free and with time, forgive himself for life beyond his control. He has an amazing talented, musical family, the kind of family you see in shows from the 50's and 60's. I hope he can climb out of his hole and rebuild his blessed life.
And now I thank God for all he has given me. My perspective while viewing on-high is that my situation is far better than many others and certainly not worth bitching about.
Damn it.