ADS 336x280 Here...
Passover season has historically been the time of the Desecration of the Host (see this post before proceeding). At some point one has to declare, "The END is near!" Get off our butts and expunge this darkness. In response to these parasitic allegations, I propose to form the ADL (Anti-Defecation League). The office of the presidency must be filled by a charismatic and very enemated individual. His primary function would be to execute all offending beings in an almost anal manner.The search itself would necessitate the traditional spoon and feather technique to unclench for search and rescue. Ten samplings are a must but somehow one insidious one always seems to go missing. The next morning would be the ideal time to destroy the critters by burning them at the stake while roasting a steak or shank bone concurrently. That night, at some hotel, preferably in California, the family would gather for the feast (Seder) but inevitably word would leak that they just couldn't kill the beast. Repeated hand washing, sometimes without a blessing, sometimes with. Questions would be asked, libations imbibed, choruses of 'DIE, DIE-Anus' and off-key chants would be sung recalling the ass-busting labor our forefathers endured before Me-ben-dazole (the proper pronunciation for the ineffable YKWH) released us from this torture and took it out of us in Egypt.
Most of us recount the 10 plagues, but some of us actually choose to be plagued in one form or another based on the dictum that we must view ourselves as if we actually experienced the redemption from Egypt. And I do mean experience.
Hark, me thinks I hear a knock at the back-door. Something makes me believe Elijah wouldn't be caught dead entering through there. So instead we toast his memory and pass out in a drunken stupor.
Sometimes one Seder would be insufficient to complete the task and a repeat rite must be performed. Eight days of doo-diligence and then once again we can make Passover the season of redemption rather than desecration.