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For all you skeptics out there, beware because God is listening and his vengeance is mighty. At first I couldn't pinpoint the source of my transgression, I scratched my ass wondering. Then it occurred to me that I had to go and rant about soap use on Passover. Well, for our blog-reading God, this was not taken as good clean fun. In fact, the punishment fit the crime. I ended doing Passover cleaning as SECOND time and I will be cleaning a few more times.I wish the plague was blood, boils, beasts, power outage, or the like. Lice would have been unbearable but the cleanup from this was remarkably similar. The plague I speak of, the one that descended upon my house (me really), was frogs. But not your garden variety of Egyptian frog. It was more in line with the toad family. The NEMATODE one, to be specific. I was playing with our outdoor cat the first days of the holiday. It's a stray we took in after our white-trash neighbor kicked its teeth out. It is so friendly and it apparently didn't mind climbing and resting on my lap. Lo and behold, the wrath of God began in a place of darkness. 'Yea, though I squirm through the valley of darkness, I shall fear no evil.' The itch from these PINWORMS was quite titillating. Actually, this is not the kind of itch one should let his girlfriend scratch. It was driving me so crazy that I went to First Med and paid out of pocket just to be told that they can't look at the exceptional specimen I had so digitally gathered thanks to Scotch tape (wait, is scotch kosher for Passover?). It had to be sent to the lab. It upset me that they were prepared to let me go 3 days while the lab processed the results. So I just Rx-ed Mebendazole for myself and family ASAP rather than let a higher contagious and extremely annoying organism have free reign of the netherlands.
Clean-up was Passover-Obsessive Plus. Blankets went to the cleaners ($100+), sheets washed daily, some of my silkiest undies trashed. All my pants to the cleaners (now's a good time to visit me at work if you want a sight to see), clothes laundered daily, floors mopped, toilets spit-shined, carpets vacuumed (eggs survive well in the dust). No more scary movies with my bud because nail-biting is out since eggs do well under the fingernails. Everything is so clean you can practically eat off my as.....floor.
Now what to do with this fifth column, this seemingly pleasant sojourner cat? I believe he is a first born and as such, I wish the appropriate plague upon him. And I don't mean nematodes.
