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String. Some people tie a red string on their arm for good luck but for me another type of string was almost a deal breaker. Tali was the first woman I im-ed on Frumster and now my steady. One day I must send in a testimonial to Frumster but who is going to believe the one that says, "The very first person I im-ed is the one I ended up marrying..?" Anyway, in my profile, I wrote that I wear tzitzit occasionally. It seemed harmless at the time and it was the truth. Best to be upfront and be your true self. I was a little unprepared for the challenge she immediately threw at me."I have a question about something you wrote. What does it mean that you "occasionally" wear tzitzis? Is it a shabbos thing? Is it a weather thing? I'm not sure if this is a big deal or not, but I would like to understand. I've never worn tzitzis so its not fair for me to judge. But I do wear a shaitel and cover my elbows and (most) of my knees regardless of the day of the week or the weather outside.Given the impression I immediately got from your email and your profile I suspect that you will have an equally well thought out answer to this."
What I find interesting is that this is a mitzvah that is optional. IF you have a four cornered garment, THEN you have an obligation to place four sets of strings on it. The rabbis decided to institute wearing a small tzitzit so that the law and the concepts behind it, wouldn't be lost. The concept is, if I see the blue string and it reminds me of the sea and then the sky I will achieve an awareness of god's presence and glory. I'm all for reminders and symbols that keep our lives in perspective. But when you read the Shema, which contains the laws of tzitzit, it is unmistakably written as optional. We take upon ourselves to do more but if it isn't always practical, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I responded to her challenge with this:
"To tzit or not to tzit that is thy question... Actually, my divorce was quite an upheaval. It has taken me a while to reinvigorate my practice. I have always loved Judaism, Israel, our community and I value all that we do. I guess when in survival-mode some things slipped. As my life stabilized and I successfully provided the children with a proper environment, the practice is returning hence occasional tzitzit wear. No excuse, thanks for making me reexamine my life through the proper lens. As with everything in life, I take things slow so that it won't be overwhelming or just a passing phase, so for now I will leave my profile setting listed as 'occasionally.'"
I have to mention that the tone I initally felt from her email startled me. I was given pause, my stomach tied up in knots. I thought that maybe this person would be very confrontational and in my face. I was ready to drop it and not even bother asking her out but she was pretty, after all, and sometimes tones can be misinterpreted in emails. I held my breath and hoped for the best. That was less than a year ago and she turned out to be my closest friend, so non-confrontational and an absolute joy to be with.
But let's return to tzitzit. For style, women sacrifice comfort. They wear high heels (God bless them all), sheer clothes that snag or tear easily. I feel bad for my daughter when she has her leotard over her tights and has to undo it all, if she has to use the ladies room. Now here is what I'm getting at. Yesterday, I wore Tzitzit to work only to discover that one string remained hanging out of my fly. No one said a word. God, I hope no one noticed. How many times do I find that toilet paper is hanging out the backside of my pants? So far, never but I can't say the same for the Jewish equivalent of a peacock's tail that I have sported too many times to enumerate. My boys struggle not to let the strings fall in the toilet while doing their thing. We all know what that feels like! And if those threads take the plunge, do you really want to kiss them tomorrow even if your wife diligently washes them???
I don't want to struggle with my clothing accessories while I have important business to take care of. But alas, like women, we too have our clothing crisis. I guess women could choose NOT to look their best but most don't dare take that option (although sometimes that is indiscernible). So too, I have elected to try my best but always carrying the get-out-of-tzitzit-free card in a glass case to break in case I get in a bind.
And little did I know that from those strings, I would become attached to Tali!
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