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It's been a year and a half since my pal, Gaston, got divorced. He has three kids, is good looking, and has all his hair (no fair). I think he still has feelings for his ex but he was broadsided (by his broad, no less). Since then, he has been the king of dating. What I can't fully comprehend yet is why he is aggressively dating if he sabotages his chances by revealing his lingering feelings and his deep-seated fear of commitment. I fear that when he finally IS ready to get serious, he will have no one left to date because all those who could've potentially been attracted to him, have already crossed him off their list.This past Shabbat, he told me he met a nice woman from NJ who has FOUR kids and she is able to relocate. He has expressed that his former love is still ever present in his mind but he is starting to develop feelings for this woman. The biggest concern he has currently is how seven kids can live in one house. More specifically, neither of the two have a home that can accommodate more than what they already have. Do they sell both homes to buy a bigger one or do they build? And if so, who sells, whose kids get uprooted, how can you determine if the children can adjust to all these changes especially the addition of rival step-siblings? Should he even continue this relationship and perhaps fall in love, only to find that logistically it is impossible? How can he balance finding love with practical realities? Does he risk getting hurt or hurting her by continuing the potentially doomed relationship only to end up experiencing premature exasperation?
I don't have answers for him, just a few thoughts. Discuss the scenarios from the onset. I feel that if you know something can't be resolved, don't risk love. But if things have potential to work out, it's worth the risk of falling in love, even at the risk of extreme pain. As Jonny Cash sang, "Love, is a burnin' thing..." Your playing with fire, folks. Invariably, someone is going to get burnt.
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