ADS 336x280 Here...
Bashert. It's a difficult concept to wrap my finger around (or should I say, wrap around her finger). We have all, at some point in our lives, let our mind dwell on our perfect soul-mate. Yep, that one. The one God has created solely (soul-ly) for us. The one some bas-kol calls out from the womb that so-and-so is destined to join with what's-her-face. The concept of bashert can be intoxicating perhaps even addicting. It may even be counterproductive. The bashert WE envision in our minds eye is the standard to which we hold every perspective candidate that applies via on-line, singles mixers or even through eye contact on the Q-train (should be renamed Q-ute train). Even after marriage, divorce, serious relationships, I still believe there is my direct complement waiting for me to compliment her and get the balls-a-rollin'. My bud fears for such a world where there may be two like me and so do I. But dream and wish I do, maybe even to say 'I do" just like you do too. (untwist tongue here).But how can it be that there is this one person right for me when I have really fallen in love multiple times over the course of my life and at the time, that one was right for me? Ms. Right Now. I guess ultimately we can only make that determination through hindsight. Yes, people say I have acted like, and look like, an ass but I refuse to be the butt of their jokes. I tend to think that we make our own destiny through our own choices, making them, hopefully, by considering all the information we have at hand. Being honest with ourselves with what we can handle, if we can be fulfilled, are we in love or just in love with the concept of being in love. I used to believe that love conquered all. I think it has tremendous powers to overcome many obstacles but not necessarily everything. I'm just being honest with what I can handle just as others have done when considering my large family or limited resources. It can only get worse by denying my needs, desires, & rich fantasy life (whoops, did I say that out loud?). I will come to regret my choice, come to resent my partner, and passive aggressive may turn into another failed relationship.
So now, I'm dating from the other extreme. Hypersensitive to every nuance, telescoping the whole relationship such that I play out all the variables that I can envision without actually letting life play itself out. I haven't given at least two women a fair chance based on that nervous cut n run reaction. Sometimes you have to take the chance, the chance to really get hurt, to really end up hurting someone for the opportunity to maybe, just maybe, win the gold and give the gold. I keep second guessing myself. I see the red flags, I hear my gut calling out and it ain't for chow. So do I ignore and get burnt later? Do I play it out and up the ante, only to watch my castle in the sky crumble? Fission is so much easier than fusion. In the end, it probably has to be a balance between the two extremes, acknowledging the risks and handling each development as honestly and gently as possible.
Gotta run....
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