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'A little voice inside my head said don't look back, you can never look back' but that's exactly what I did. And there I found, in the backseat of my lushly upholstered pink Cadillac, next to the fuzzy dice that used to adorn the rear-view mirror, a pair of woman's spectacles. Just in time to avoid my gal-pal sitting on them and finding out if hindsight is truly 20/20. No other garments found and unfortunately no racy story to tell.HEY, where are y'all going...? Ah, crap, my interest dwindling too....
Apparently, my car has a spectacle fetish. And Lord pity the unsuspecting passenger (or shall I say with Mr. T's intonation, 'pity da fool') that becomes his target. This wasn't the first pair of glasses swiped nor will it be the last. I can't even begin to tell you about the collection of glasses that I have confiscated from this thief in the night, this vagabond on wheels, this rolling perverted Peepers-Tom. Alert local law enforcement, DMV, and the Hellen Keller Society. And for God's sake, invest in contacts or superglue.
I have attempted to return these aids to the visually-, and quite possibly, memory-impaired, to no avail. It occurred to me that this phenomenon may in fact, be part of the age-old ruse where someone would leave a personal item behind in the hopes that the other person would have a pretext to call. Of course, that is a bit of ego talking and a smidge of self-flattery. And IF it is true, why hasn't anyone EVER responded to my inquiries? What really worries me is why, included in my collection, were there unfamiliar MEN's frames? HEY,... don't even go there!
So if I offer you a ride in the backseat of my car, be sure to keep your hands in the window, legs in the air, and specs properly secured...
CASE CLOSED
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