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I was sitting at a Chinese restaurant with Tali last night when she allowed me to glimpse the inner workings of a divorced females mind possibly blinding me forever. It may well be the mind of females in general but that information is privileged. She said that she keeps waiting for me to do something wrong (or possibly she said Bad or Crazy but being a guy with a smaller...hippocampus than gals, somethings just won't ever stick in my mind). BTW, the hippocampus is where memories are formed. I'm still scratching my head (hush, now) trying to figure out her birthday. Just kidding but I sure as heck hope she doesn't randomly ask.So let's assume she's looking for me to take a misstep. Does she anticipate that because I am from the opposite team that I will certainly do something to upset her? Well DARN TOOTIN she does and you better believe I will. Who am I to disappoint? Any two people in close proximity and especially in a close relationship will invariably do something to aggravate, irritate, or just piss the other off. Apparently, I have successfully avoided that already although I was certain I hadn't.
No one could be totally in tune and in the proper frame of mind, always. Even expecting a mild spate of sanity is unusual for most relationships.
I won't even go into the obvious things like trying to be sensitive and anticipate each others feelings and needs. Finger down throat. Hmm...finger...guy brain activated. Thoughts of sex become a clear segue to shark sex. Apparently, the shark if the first creature to invent/discover sexual reproduction around 400 million years ago (at least that's what Evolve on the History Channel claims). The male bites on the extra-padded dorsal fin to turn the female over and maintain position. He even has an extra protrusion by his penis that clasps himself in her while mating. Who's the hooker now? I told this story to a female coworker and like the typical female she says, "He raped her." I tried to animate the scene by playing the role of the female shark talking to her dolphin female friends who tell her she should wake up and smell the krill, she was raped. I'm only a little embarrassed to say I used my best gay voice to simulate a female chain-smoking shark, to say, "But, I really like it rough."
I began to recall my own 'experiences' (haven't tried shark yet, their not kosher). I find that I grab hold to my partner tightly during those climactic moments when all oxygen leaves my brain and my basal ganglia and rudimentary earlier systems go into overdrive. Is this a similar by-product of evolution? Just as the shark bites the dorsal fin to hold position whereby the female can't escape, to ensure a completed act, so too I increase my grasp or do I just have an odd technique unworthy of Cosmo or Vanity Fair.
Where was I? Oh, what I need from all of you is suggestions on how to take
my first misstep. I want to make mine memorable because you always remember your first. I'm usually of the mindset that I should just be myself and ouila, poo on the shoe. Any thoughts?On a warped side note and mixing metaphors, make up sex after overstepping the bounds of normal behavior lead to a ...
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