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We will settle your spats, arguments, wrongdoings this holiday for half the tension you normally would experience when you, yourself, directly ask for forgiveness from the offended party. We offer also a discounted 3/4 off any anticipated righteous indignation, and GET THIS, 1/3 the unwanted attitude and 1/4 off the stonewalling or whining. You may find this service especially useful when dealing with ex-spouses or significant others. Imagine no guilt-trips, tears, yelling, withholding basic marital obligations, and the all important passive-aggressive behaviors that usually accompany the smoothing over process. And let's face it, who wants to make all that small talk anyway? Do you really even care about being friends as much as relieving your guilt over an uncomfortable situation?As for those sins between you and God, we have a service where we will fax the graves of famous arbitrators (whose spirit will surely work on your behalf), as well as, well-know non-Easterly facing walls, with notes detailing your position and why His forgiveness is the only logical choice. For an extra fee it can be voice messaging as well.
Tired of sitting hours in prayers? Well we have pre-recorded prayers that can be placed on you designated chair in your local temple. (James Earl Jones voice-over add 15%). Let's face it, you have no idea what you're saying and God has heard it all before.
Is fasting not your 'thing'? Our stunt doubles are there for you. Trained in self denial (usually previously married men), they will suffer for your sins. (Where have I heard that one before?)
Remember this year, forgiveness can not only be an easy one but it can also be FAST.
Open up your FSA account, today!
